Then, out of the mass of moving bodies, there she stood. I stopped, frozen for a second or two that felt like forever, then: “Hi, Anthony…I am in trouble, aren’t I?”
“You damn straight.”
The difference between my eSelf and my real person are so vast and great as to make any real description of it nearly impossible. Still, my eSelf is so much more open and raw than I am, so much less careful and reserved and private. I put it all out there on the web. In real life this is much less common for me. I take very carefully planned baby steps, the better to avoid real danger and hurt.
And yet, in real life, I am the one who is truly dangerous. Because when the time comes for me to lay it on the line, my eSelf won’t make the move. My real Self, however, is unabashed – I will do whatever is necessary. Trust me, the willingness to close the deal, to pull the trigger, as it were, is what makes my real Self the predator. I am not violent, and I don’t go out to hurt people. But it is that rare quality to go for the jugular when needed that separates me from the pack. I am White Fang. I am Shere Khan. Cold. Cunning. Cruel.
“I have to talk to you later. I just can’t put all this together right now. I just can’t.”
“But I need to talk to you. You just don’t understand the guilt I felt…”
“I understand.”
“No, you really don’t understand how racked I was with guilt all summer…”
“I understand.”
“Really.”